I’ve called you by that cherished name, “son,” many times, but today is different.
Today, there is no feeling that you’re ‘sort of my but really’ ours as there has been since February.
Today, you are not my foster son.
I don’t love you ‘like you are my own.’ You ARE now and forevermore my own.
Today and for the rest of your days, you are completely, wholly, and forever my son.
You came to us on that blissful Tuesday afternoon in February and I can’t seem to hold back my tears as I reflect on that day.
That was the day I literally felt my heart walk outside my chest.
They dropped you off at our house before we had a chance to fall in love with you.
But my how the falling in love has happened! You have burst through our world with high-energy, love, compassion, grace, and strength. You are the most amazing child in the entire world and I don’t deserve to be your mommy.
You’re funny, smart, and your laugh is infectious.
You are obsessed with cars, could watch Paw Patrol all day, would take a 5 hour bath daily if we let you, and have the most sensitive heart I have ever known.
While there have been some extremely challenging days over the course of the past six months, each day has been filled with beauty and grace and I cannot imagine our family without you in it.
From the very first phone call we received regarding you, I have worried about you. You see, I know about all of the big and hurtful things in this world that can cause you pain. And I have worried.
I’ve also been scared that I wouldn’t be enough for you.
Yet, God is continually showing me that You are HIS first.
My child, you are so brave.
Much braver than me, your mommy.
You have been through more hard things in your four years of life than most people encounter in a lifetime.
There are days that I worry about your future. My heart often aches when I think about you growing up. Because right now you are little and telling you I love you eases your pain. But one day I know you will grow up and one day you will truly comprehend the weight of what has happened to you and I’m afraid for you.
I’m afraid you’ll feel rejected.
I’m afraid you’ll feel worthless.
I’m afraid you’ll question your belonging not only our family, but this world.
Yet, I know you are a fighter.
You are an overcomer.
Your daddy and I could not be more proud to call you ours.
Son, we fought to have you.
And we will ALWAYS fight for you.
You are so wanted, so loved, and cherished more than you will ever know.
It terrifies me to raise you in this world that we live in. And while my love for you sees no color and no difference, the world certainly does.
My prayer for you is that you always know your true identity. I desperately pray that you always feel as though your feet have a place to land.
I pray that you always know where you belong not only in our family, but more importantly, in the Kingdom of God.
The greatest desire of my heart is for you to place your identity in Christ Jesus.
Alex, walk in your sonship and in your inheritance of Christ, the one who has saved you.
My son, live as you truly are.
Live set apart.
And live fee.
As you walk in your true identity as a son of Christ Jesus, may others see this love and join in God’s forever family too.
Alex, I pray you continue to be brave.
When others question your sonship, when they question where you belong, I fervently pray that you hold fast to the Truth.
When Satan causes you to doubt that you are loved and wanted, I pray that you’ll lean in close to the heart of your Father—our sweet Heavenly Daddy. Listen only to what he says about you. His voice is the only one that matters.
My son you are more that I could have ever dreamed and you are loved more than you will ever know!
I’ve thought about your adoption day many times and I’ve always thought there should be some sort of vow ceremony, similar to a wedding ceremony.
After all, adoption is a conscious choice to take another person into your life—a person with character traits and qualities that do not match our own. Adoption is a choice to take in a person with flaws, insecurities, and all—similar to a marriage.
So, sweet Alex, here are my vows to you:
I promise to love and protect you—even if its form yourself.
I promise to provide you with everything you need, yet I also promise that you will not receive everything you want.
I promise to care for you.
I promise to provide you with food, shelter, and clothing.
I promise to provide you with the best medical care we can afford.
I promise that you will be held to high expectations for behavior and character.
I promise that the journey will not be easy or smooth.
Yet, I promise that the road will have plenty of love and laughter.
I promise to share with you the things I love, such as running, reading, playing games, education, and enjoying nature.
I promise to share with you the things I can’t live without—your father, out extended family, our church family, and the love of Christ Jesus.
I promise to always be on your team—to sit in the corner cheering.
Today, I make a vow to you that I will try every day to be the best parent that I can be for you.
I promise that I will be there when you feel rejected.
I promise to lift you up in your pain.
I promise to sit with you and rub your back during your sleepless nights.
I promise to jump up and down in excitement during your joyfully won victories.
Even in hardship and hurt, and hard-fought battles lost, I will still be your mommy.
I promise to be present both physically and emotionally to you and to give you as many hugs as you need, plus quite a few extra.
I promise to always be there to listen to you.
I promise to never go to bed angry with you and I promise to always work it out.
I promise to love you with every fiber of my being.
I know there will be ups and downs in our relationship.
But I want you do know that I am here for better or for worse.
In good times and in bad.
In sickness and in health.
I will be there.
I will never leave you.
I will love you fiercely all of the days of my life, Alexander James Willis.
With all my love,